I was sick last week and relegated to the couch, with nothing but my sacred TV and a nearby container of juice for company. After four days of only occasionally leaving the comfort of my TV room, I nearly wore out my remote control but also expanded my view about our box of indoctrination.
At first I was in awe of the versatility and adaptability of American culture. With the country in deep recession, countless new ideas and cures have instantaneously erupted in full-blown and repetitious commercial form.
One commercial showcased a Godzilla look-alike who claimed to be an attorney. As he slammed his fist into the hood of a car, the narrator insinuated that clients can change minor fender-benders into financial windfalls. Call him the moment your car has physical contact.
Flipping channels I was amazed to find Gordon Liddy, better known to my generation as G. Gordon Liddy. Liddy was pushing gold as an investment and although his advice may be accurate, I couldn’t forget he was the chief White House Plumber (Watergate) during the Nixon Administration. He was also an attorney and former FBI agent prior to spending four-and-a-half years in prison. I guessed forgive and forget was the operative phrase; maybe he‘ll do better with younger generations. I’ll pass on using him as my investment advisor.
Next I was watching a commercial from an attorney who handles IRS tax cases. Testimonials poured forth from satisfied customers claiming they settled for about 10% of their total IRS bills. My mind was now in full gear and it occurred to me that I should stop paying taxes, wait for a notice from the IRS, call these attorneys and let them settle for 10% – I’d be 90% ahead.
It was now nearly 4 p.m. and up pops a Viagra commercial. I thought this was an odd time but probably as a function of high unemployment, a lot more adults are home and occasionally need a friendly reminder. I have always wondered how parents explain erectile dysfunction to young children watching similar ads.
The highlight of my sick days was the Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC. She is attractive and animated – I just cannot give any of her fallacious rants even a modicum of credibility. I hit the mute button, I slipped in a disc from my audio book collection and listened gleefully to a narrator exuberantly reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Each day I become enraptured watching Rachel mouthing the words of my favorite economic philosopher and most certainly, her least.
In addition to the above, I watched commercials claiming to solve credit card debt or foreclosure problems. In some cases the misleading messages indicated the solution was supported by government agencies. There were spots promoting psychic readings, how to make millions on foreclosed real estate and become prosperous working from home.
Networks do little screening of their customers and they are under little legal obligation to do otherwise. They are bound by a moral and ethical code, but without complaints they are not obligated to research and separate legitimate merchants from hucksters. These are desperate times for many people, but also desperate times for networks hungry for advertising dollars. Buyers Beware.