With the presidential election looming in 2012, I’ve dusted off the crystal ball for a look at the years leading up to 2022—one decade hence.
It starts with President Obama having to return his Nobel Peace Prize. After killing several hundred alleged domestic and foreign terrorists, the Nobel committee decides that short of a Texas accent, not much separates President Obama from his predecessor, so they rescind the award.
In in 2012, Herman Cain wins the presidential election by a landslide, and the nation embraces his 9-9-9 plan, a tax strategy that imposes a 9% business flat tax, a 9% individual flat tax and a 9% national sales tax. Unfortunately, a dozen additional tax increases quickly changed the original 9-9-9 to the 20-20-20 plan. Further complicating Cain’s attempt to balance the budget is President Obama’s executive order on his last day in office, abrogating all liabilities for student loans for both students and parents. This adds an additional trillion dollars worth of liabilities to the federal government and it is the final attempt to prove the administration’s ”trickle-up” theory.
Mandatory drug testing for Congresspeople becomes law in 2014, causing the downfall of several representatives. Several districts, from the known methamphetamine-crazed middle of the country to the big coastal cocaine areas, suffer without consistent representation in Congress. A the same time, Congressional Twittering of self styled nude photos becomes the norm and Anthony Weiner makes his political comeback.
Surprisingly, a few years later, the Green Party captures nearly a third of both branches of Congress. Green Party members, donning Ralph Nader T-shirts and wearing Birkenstock sandals, rise to power with their showcase plan of extending college from four to eight years, albeit with the same curriculum. “Keeping children in college longer reduces the labor force and brings down unemployment,” explains Chuck Schumer (G-NY), former Democrat and current Green Party spokesperson.
At the same time, the aged Koch Brothers of Koch Industries, who have historically referred to the Green Party as the former Pink Party, saw their political influence wane since the invention of the power bean. The energy source—a genetically modified mung bean–was developed by a teenager in India; it abrogates the need for fossil fuels in motor vehicles. The dilemma of storing excess crude oil provokes a landmark lawsuit by the Sierra Club, which objects to Big Oil’s plans to pump surplus oil back into the Earth. According to the Sierra Club, this “is a clear case of wanton polluting of the environment.”
Towards the end of Herman Cain’s time in office, a select Congressional committee has determined the overhang of surplus housing and the need for infrastructure repair are not problems that are mutually solvable. Construction workers able to build homes are not trained nor equipped to build or repair bridges, roads or ports. The startling result encourages Congress to pass a bill subsidizing new home construction while neglecting infrastructure. “We already have enough people employed rebuilding America’s highways and byways, but unemployment is still far too high in the home construction segment and that is the place help is needed” bellowed Harry Reid, the current Senate minority leader.
In spite of the Green Party’s power, 2020 sees Eric Cantor ascend to the presidency. In a conservative effort to reduce debt, Cantor discovers not one American can name all of the United States’ protectorates. Cantor sells all of them which include, American Samoa, Baker Island, Guam, Howland Island, Jarvis Island, Johnston Atoll, Kingman Reef, Midway Islands, Navassa Island, Northern Mariana Islands, Palmyra Atoll, Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands and Wake Island to China in a deal reducing our national debt by a staggering 70%. Chinese businessmen quickly set up knock-off factories in most of their new possessions, and as a consequence, Chinese mainland labor laws took immediate effect. The ACLU has already filed a suit claiming American labor laws should have been grandfathered and further questioning the legality of selling property not actually owned by the American government.
By 2022, the Obama health care plan, Medicare and Medicaid have all been dissolved and are replaced by travel vouchers entitling ill patients to airfare, accommodations and medical treatment in foreign countries duly designated by the Department of State. This innovative plan, which includes countries like Iran and North Korea, turns out to be a boom for the struggling airlines and for hotel construction by American conglomerates working in foreign countries, especially in the Third World. In yet another victory by lobbyists, the Send the Ill People Abroad Act (SIPA) has been promoted as bolstering America’s image globally by encouraging not only medical but also cultural exchange. Due to losing their core business, a few of the American health care companies are planning to build geriatric centers in Cuba.
Finally, in 2022, the Chicago Cubs defeat the New York Yankees and win a World Series after a 114-year drought and the Buffalo Bills, after losing eight more Super Bowls (2014 through 2021) finally win one.
November 4, 2011 at 2:31 pm |
All the makings of the next bestseller:
“Crisis Investing, Part XIV”
by Doug Casey with Louis B Kravitz
November 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm |
It’s a rare trick to be pointed and humorous at the same time. You put the knife in, and yet we laugh. You should look to syndication.